Rethinking Funerals: A More Personal and Meaningful Approach to Saying Goodbye
n a feature published by The Guardian, alternative undertaker Rupert Callender shares his perspective on how funerals can become more personal, environmentally conscious and emotionally honest.
The article explores Ru’s journey into the funeral profession and his mission to challenge conventional funeral traditions. Rather than focusing on formal rituals, elaborate hearses or standardised ceremonies, Ru encourages families to take an active role in shaping farewells that genuinely reflect the life and personality of the person who has died.
A Different Vision of Funeral Spaces
The article introduces readers to natural burial grounds such as Sharpham Meadow in Devon — places that look more like wild landscapes than traditional cemeteries. These sites focus on simplicity, ecological sustainability and a closer connection to nature. Graves are typically marked modestly, allowing the surrounding environment to remain alive and evolving, rather than heavily landscaped or monumental.
Ru explains that natural burial can offer a lower environmental impact compared with cremation, while also creating a more peaceful and personal setting for remembrance.
Challenging Traditional Funeral Culture
A key theme in the article is Ru’s belief that many modern funeral customs have developed through industry convention rather than necessity. He questions elements such as formal pallbearers, rigid ceremony structures and embalming, which he views as distancing families from meaningful participation in the farewell process.
Instead, Ru promotes funerals that prioritise genuine storytelling, shared memories and family involvement. He often encourages loved ones to carry coffins themselves, speak openly about the person who has died and help shape ceremonies that feel authentic rather than prescribed.
Encouraging Open Conversations About Death
The article also explores how Ru’s own experiences with loss shaped his approach to his work. Having been excluded from key family funerals as a child, he now strongly believes that including children in funeral rituals can help them better understand grief and loss. He encourages families to treat funerals as opportunities for shared reflection rather than events that must shield younger people from difficult emotions.
Ru suggests that when families are involved in practical and ceremonial aspects of funerals, it can help create a deeper sense of closure and connection.
Creating Space for Honest Remembrance
Ultimately, Ru advocates for funerals that feel less rushed and more communal. He describes ceremonies that evolve naturally, with people speaking openly, supporting one another and sometimes gathering afterwards in informal ways — even sharing food or spending time together at the graveside. For him, the focus should always remain on remembering a life honestly and collectively, rather than adhering to tradition for tradition’s sake.
You can read the original feature in The Guardian here:
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/oct/19/shallow-grave-kids-picnic-alternative-undertaker-funeral